The Reason Why
by melinda08
Summary: On the worst day of her life, all Marie could think of was the reason why she had loved Hank Shrader, and why she always would.


She was so hurt, so devastated, so angry about what had happened to her husband, that Marie almost forgot the most important thing of all- the reason she'd fallen in love with him in the first place.

As she looked in the mirror, returning from the most difficult, heartbreaking day of her life, even though she had no reason to even fathom this- she found herself smiling.

Not because she was callous, cruel, happy (by any stretch of the imagination) or even able to process what she would do next. No, as Marie took a brief look at herself and the purple dress she wore to her husband's funeral, it was at that moment that she realized why she'd loved Hank more than anything in the world.

She'd worn purple. To a funeral. Hank would have teased her about it, made fun of her really.

And she wouldn't have had him any other way.

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Yes, she'd spoken up at his funeral, about how noble and stubborn he'd been, and all sorts of things, but for some reason, there was one- the most important- little thing that she'd loved about him most of all that she'd kept to herself.

He'd made her laugh.

Lord, how that man made her laugh.

As she decided, for the moment anyhow, not to change into her pajamas, she sat down on the side of her bed and closed her eyes. Thoughts of Hank permeated the room.

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He was nothing like what she'd pictured her future husband to be. Marie had decided that she wanted someone serious, a model or even an actor, better yet. Hank had been neither of these.

He wanted her from the beginning, to be sure. God knew how many phone calls she refused to return (how he got her number to begin with, after she'd went to the trouble of giving him a false one when they met at the bar, had been unclear, until he revealed to her his profession.)

She'd fought him off at every stage of their dating game, wouldn't even kiss him on the first date, let alone go to bed with him. Instead of getting mad and frustrated and calling her a tease the way her other dates would have, Hank had did something that surprised her. He made her laugh.

They went to movies, comedies, mostly, but then throughout the movie he would ad-lib or just make fun of how cheesy a scene could be, and though Marie had tried hard not to show it, by the end of the night her side would literally ache from laughing so much.

The laughter, she'd found, had been quite a nice buffer for all of the awkward sexual tension that usually took place during the early stages of any courtship. Without her having to play all the games that she did when she was after a man, Marie had been free to be herself, free to not scheme or manipulate or daydream or anything else that used to drive her and everyone around her crazy.

Instead, the more she got to know Hank Shrader, the more she got to be herself- her real self. On more than one occasion, those around her, Skyler included, had used the terms "self-centered" and "prissy" to describe Marie, but after being around Hank for so long, she found that she wasn't caring as much as she usually did about what others thought of her.

In their private time, when it was late and he was getting ready to go home, he would crack her up about his needing to leave so that her treasure trove of real boyfriends could arrive. He'd been self-deflecting and yet she found herself growing more and more intrigued by him by the day.

Pretty soon their Friday night dates turned into weekends together, platonic of course, and then phone calls from him every day on his work break. It was becoming more and more clear to her that what she'd been running from all of her life was the one thing she could no longer deny.

Hank Shrader, borderline racist, hardheaded, not-quite-Brad Pitt- was the love of her life. And she couldn't wait for their life together to begin.

So eventually as her feelings grew, so did her attraction to him. Now instead of going on and on with Skyler about the latest Hollywood hunk, Marie wound up going on and on about how great Hank was, how funny and charming and strong and brave he was.

So when he, down on one knee and as awkward as she'd ever seen anyone, asked her to marry him, Marie knew right then and there that there was no one else on earth, not even Brad Pitt, that she would rather spend the rest of her life with.

Now that he was gone, people tried talking, tried to comfort her, but she wasn't ready for any of that yet. What she needed was her husband, and since she couldn't have him, she needed to remember him- the "in good times" that they'd promised each other during the wedding vows. Just for now, the rest- the bad stuff- could wait.

As Marie held on to Hank's DEA photo, she didn't know if she would ever be able to laugh again. But thanks to that very imperfect man she'd called her husband, she realized one thing; for as long as she lived, Marie would never trade her memories of the man she loved more than anything, even for all of the money in the world. For through his joking, flirting, and teasing, Hank had taught her how to love life and love herself (as much as she could have). Just then the funniest (in an ironic, not Ha-ha way) thing of all hit her: just when she appreciated Hank Shrader more than ever, she would never again get the chance to tell him that.

As the smile that had spread on her face thanks to her memories faded, once again, Marie had never felt more alone in her life.

The end

**I want to dedicate this to my boyfriend and love of my life. to Craig, my real life Hank. I owe him more than I can ever pay back. I look forward to our tale having a much happier ending.**


End file.
